I decided if I was going to blog today I better do it now. sigh. I don't really have much to say. Aiden is at his dad's tonight. I worked late last night and I am running on about six hours of sleep. Thank God for coffee!! Im praying they arn't still working on the bridge today..pray with me:) I know I just rambled but its all I can do right now. Time for class..then work...then hopefully bed:)
The end of the week stress is starting to set in. Most people work the traditional nine to five monday through friday schedule. The weekend is a time to lay back and relax. Not me! The weekend is when things start to get frantic!!
Today was my day off which only means I didn't have class. We spent the day running errands cleaning house and doing all the things that have been neglected all week. On top of that I had to take the little man to get his portrait taken in his costume...ok i didn't HAVE to. Somewhere between carrying the laundry into the house and trying to wash the dishes and explaining to the little guy why exactly he couldn't throw the big bouncy balls in the house that it hit me. This was not a job meant for one person. I have never been a married parent or even a parent part of a couple I have since day one been a single mother. I never knew anything different. People commend single parents and I think what's the big deal? Its not THAT hard. In truth its manageable. But if you let yourself really sit down and think about how much more you could accomplish with a partner well...it's down right depressing.
It was this moment that my little guys dad called to inform me he was coming over early to pick him up. Which meant waking a two year old up from a nap and getting him dressed. That was the moment I rethought my previous statement. Maybe it would be easier to do it all alone :)
Last night I took the little man to Tanners Orchid. It is a nice little get away near our home town. They have apples fields, pumpkins, farm animals, and a large playground. Overall the perfect place for a two year old to run and play. I was so pleased with myself. I had given my child an experience, a memory. We took pictures, fed the animals, climbed on the equipment, we had a good time. What could have been better?
It didn't hit me until this morning that while we were at Tanners we were supposed to beat at tumbling! I had to think twice. Really was yesterday Tuesday? It felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. Not only had we missed his class but I didn't even call to let the coach know. How irresponsible did I look? I realized that I had a million reasons as to why I would have forgot. It was a day full of running around. I had stayed at my moms the night before, met with my advisor, made the hour drive home (toddler in tow) and studied for an exam, but none of that mattered. In my head I had in fact failed as a parent.
It didn't matter to me that we had missed tumbling because I was trying to give my little guy a fun trip. It didn't matter that he loved the experience. All I could think is that I forgot his tumbling class. In twenty years will it matter? probably not. So why can I not shake the feeling that I failed?
I live in a small town with my two year old little man. I am currently going to school to get my bachelor in philosophy...don't ask what I am going to do with that. I still am unsure! I work part time at a small town bar. (my education never ends there)
So why a blog? Everyones wondering I know. Why is this single mom who goes to school and work and chasing a crazy two year old taking the time to write a blog? Because I want to! yep! you heard it here! I knew I needed something separate, a project that was completely mine, so here it is my outlet. You get to watch me rant and rave and share all of my small triumphs.